Do you think you are currently living in the best way you could ever? Not necessarily in terms of material things or finances, but in terms of your principles, goals, desires, decisions and thoughts on a daily basis. Do you think you have done the best you could in order to ensure that your offspring lives better than you have? Anyone who is a parent will tell you that if you fear being a terrible parent before having kids then you are on the right track. But what if that is the sure way to bring up a ‘broken’ generation?
I am personally scared of parenthood. The truth is I fear failure more than anything else. More so, personal failure. Why would I want to put myself up for frustration and depression? Why would I put a fellow human (one that I would love more than myself) through the guiles and torments of terrible parenting? Yes, I am a coward in this sense. Yet, I believe that I am the bravest since I admit the presence of fear and lack of surety in self. Question remains, have you done enough to warrant you a peaceful sleep in death? Or will you die whilst carrying the burden of distress upon your shoulders for all eternity? I prefer the reverse.
Atkins, a 32-year-old man lives in an estate in the outskirts of Nairobi. His house is located in an estate with gated communities. He is among the lucky population in the statistics of his age mates. He got a job immediately after completing his bachelor’s degree in commerce from one of the prestigious Kenyan universities. He has always felt pressured by his parents who live in the village to bring a girl home in marriage. Not that he does not like girls or isn’t attracted to them. The only problem he has is in his way of thinking. To some extent, he is too reasonable for his own good. This fact keeps him awake every night.
In this case, I would agree like you would, that his life is so much better than majority of the population living in Kenya today. First and foremost, he was not laid off unlike most employees. Secondly, he can afford a decent meal daily and even safe luxurious habitation within Nairobi. He is able to drive and fuel his 1800cc Toyota machine to and from work daily so he doesn’t have to deal with annoying Nairobi traffic. He sends his family KES 50,000 every month for upkeep since none of them work. By most means, he is quite a successful young man, since he even recently got himself a 50×100 plot of land within the neighborhood he resides in. If Atkins was a motivational speaker, I would gobble up all his words like my life depended on it.
In spite of all these achievements and luxuries, Atkins is still not happy. The need to perpetuate an offspring weighs heavily on his mind. And even worse, the best person to provide the means is a problem that he has no clue about how to solve. I am tempted to say that the olden days were so much better when it came to love and marriage, but in order to be politically correct I’d say that I cannot really fathom the situation as was in those days. To most people, the tradition of betrothal seemed archaic and uncivilized. What if it was not?
Numerous young men today get to the age of 40 while unmarried. Some of them, like Atkins, have met so many beautiful ladies but none have made him feel like he needed to settle. For others, it’s all fun and games until one morning the girl asks, “What are we?” There and then, the man decides to ghost and the lady is left chanting the mantra, “men are dogs or men are trash!” Why do men find it so hard to be honest? Is it a fault of their own individual weaknesses or is there more to it than we care to find out? Maybe the ladies are the ones at fault. Let’s not lay blame. All we know is that it takes two to tango and if you have a terrible dance partner then you will definitely get your leg hurt or tumble and fall eventually.
The community is so much obsessed with individual gratification to the point of perpetuating deceit and selfishness. Maybe even to our own (potential) offspring. We want to live our best lives and make all our decisions (good or evil) irrespective of the feelings of the next affected party. Life as we know it is faced with individualism which threatens to obliterate the sense of humanity within us.
Making the conscious choice of a life partner is one of the greatest decisions that any person will ever make. You owe it to your children to give them the best mother or father and failure to carefully evaluate all factors makes you a negligent parent. Nobody wants that title. Given the current circumstances brought about by the pandemic the stakes are even higher. With a frustrated population on the loose and the unlimited access to alcohol and other drugs, people are even more inclined to make bad decisions. Frequent parties and casual sex are commonplace.
Despite all these circumstances, I hope that you will not make the decision to bring a child to this world while under the influence. At least accord the young one the decency of a good upbringing. By this you will have made the world a better positive place to live in. I hope that Atkins finally finds the one. I hope that you do too someday. And if you already have, rock that parenthood. Wear it like a crown on your head. Like a purple robe on your body and like a golden throne that you sit upon. Be an amazing parent to an amazing child. Think upon these things.